S is for Saying Goodbye is the Hardest

April 20, 2019 · Written by Flori Fama

Should I say “trigger warning”? A lot of feels are shed in this caption but I felt the need to include this because it's true albeit sad and it happens to all of us in LDRs.

Quoting Jim from The Office (lol), “goodbyes are a bitch.” I've never been good at them and I always get emotional whether I'm the one staying or leaving. Damn, I even get emotional when I see strangers hugging each other goodbye. When it comes to my bf, it's indescribable. I bawl my eyes out before, during and after. I realized that it's hardest after spending a longer period of time together—it's just so tough to let go. If I were to visit for 15-20 days (like I had to do in the past when I was still studying at university), I'd focus on just having fun and enjoying every single day because I know that time is scarce and you can't waste it. However, when the trips last longer, it feels as though we are living together so we just relax and go about our regular routines but together. So we secretly hope the “splitting” moment never happens. But when I realize that the flight date is approaching (generally 2 weeks before the flight and every other day during the final week), I just break down in tears. Maybe the thought comes to me out of the blue because I just remember previous times when we had to say goodbye and how awful it felt. All these memories about spending months away from the person I love the most, come to me all at once. I think of having to do it all over again and the anticipation for that is the worst. It's the exact opposite of the overflowing joy we feel before meeting again.

And it's not a matter of not wanting to go back to my country, family and friends. Of course not. I just find myself split—and it dawned on me recently that this is how it'll be for the rest of my life. But I know tons of people who have moved to another country and managed to still be close to their relatives. However, having to say goodbye to your love is the hardest and for us, knowing and remembering that there's a 10-hour flight, 5,295 miles, and a very expensive plane ticket between us… is just heartbreaking. Coming to terms with these facts gets “easier” over time because you come up with strategies to just ignore them and focus on the bright side. But the visceral reaction I get when the time to leave comes is always as painful—if not even more so time after time. Nevertheless, I don't think it has to be this tragic for everyone—I'm just a highly sensitive person who cries A LOT lol.